MY SON SCOTT

My son Scott is a wonderful guy. We celebrated his birthday yesterday. As I think back on the day you were born, you were the scariest. You woke me up about midnight, wanting to see the world and didn't want to come out until 8 AM. I honestly don't remember much because you wore me out. Your dad later told me you were blue and had to be woke up by the nurses. You were very easy going and kinda shy, kinda just like your mom. But you are smart and learned well in school. You was also gifted in sports like your brother Danny, and not to forget your dad. I remember your left handed swing served you well in baseball,golf, and bowling.
You married a sweet and wonderful girl that we all love. You have been a great husband and a great father to your daughter, our special granddaughter Cherish. My hope for you and Tara is to be blessed with more children. That some day soon you will take your lovely wife and cherished daughter to the temple to be sealed for eternity. May our Heavenly Father continue to bless you always. Love mom
[ BORN November 20, 1979] WOW 31 YEARS OLD!

A Note from the Dark Side

You may be wondering what this title means................
It means the other side of this couple, yep me.... The hubby.

I don't know exactly what I should be talking about, but it is time that I added my 2 cents worth to this blog.

Colleen is still able to function very well considering how much she has lost the ability to use her limbs. Her legs have been gone for over a year now, that is not saying that she didn't lose some of them before, it's just when she could no longer operate independently using the walker when needed. She has been fully dependent on someone else moving her for the last 13 + months now. She has shown great courage and a beautiful spirit as she has struggled with her ALS. She always has kept smiling and brightening up everyone's spirits. Imagine that.. The one who has the most to worry and complain about is the one who lights up our lives and lifts our spirits. All of the posts that she has been making has been done at a great effort on her part. She has maybe 20% of her left hand and arm left and that is it. She has had to do everything with an on-screen keyboard from her Dynavox voice computer.

Some people may not know our whole story so I will give you the first small installment here, and tell you how we met.
In 1974, I was working at Utility Trailer in Clearfield's Freeport Center. My older brother, Jerry, also worked there. He approached me in late April one day, at lunchtime, to ask what I was doing after work. I was 19 at the time and had been working there since January of that year. I told him I had no specific plans, so he asked me if I would come and help him coach his ladies softball team (ASA fast pitch for Clinton City), as his assistant coaches were out of town at the time. I told him I would and went to Clinton Elementary school ball field with him, and started something new. I was a softball umpire and basketball referee, doing mostly church games, but had not coached softball before. There was a particularly pretty girl there, who caught my eye immediately, and of course, I had to tease her throughout the whole practice. After we finished for the evening I went home and did whatever for the rest of the night. At work the next day, I hunted my brother down to ask him who the girl was. When I described her, he kind of laughed and said her name was Colleen Fisher, and we had nothing in common..............
Obviously we did find something in common, and have been together 36 1/2 years (yesterday), since our first date. She was only a Junior at Clearfield High when we met, but neither of us dated anyone else since that first date on May 18th 1974, at Ye Lion's Den in South Ogden.
Colleen was a very very very very very good softball player, and we played Co-Ed softball together for many years, playing in many State tournaments. The year we were married, 1975, Colleen was only 18, and as such could play in the 18 and under league for ASA. The coaches of the Sunset City team, Clinton City team and Layton, put all their 18 and under girls together, entered them into the State ASA tournament, which of course they won, and she got to travel to the nationals that were held in Binghamton, New York. They did not win, but they had a great time, and she was the only married member of the team. She could hit the ball a country mile and put the ball out of a men's field in a tournament in Moab, Utah in 1975.

Well, I won't go into a lot more at this time, but needless to say, she was quite the athlete and raised her kids to be pretty good athletes also.

MY SON DANNY

It is Wednesday, November 10, 2010. The weather has turned cold now with little snow, lot of rain, and lots of falling leaves. I am in my bedroom with the light out sitting in my chair. It's mostly comfortable but little cold. 4 year old Cherish is in the living room on the couch and Tarra is in the green rocking chair. Both asleep I'm sure at this early hour of 6am. It's fine except my medicine hasn't worn off yet. Part of me wants to sleep and part wants to write in my blog. My son Danny turned 33 yesterday. As a mother you think about him as a baby and a small child. You think it was just yesterday that I was rocking him to sleep or pitching a ball to him when he was 3. But he is all grown up now. He's got his father's happy disposition. He is so loving and always has a hug for me. I LOVE HIM SO!
And he still likes playing ball; weather it's softball on the field or the Red Sox playing on TV, or a good golf course to play on with his brother, father, or friends. He has 3 daughters, an ex wife, and just recently an ex girlfriend named Danielle. I was sad to see her go because she is a wonderful girl and I love her so.
Danny, my wish for you is that you come back to church and find a girl that will go with you. That you will find peace in your life.
Thank-you for taking care of grandma Chatterton's house. She always talks highly of you. Your mom and dad will always be there, your family also. I see good things happening in your future as you watch your beautiful daughters grow along with their wonderful dad. Love MOM.

MY HARD WORKING FAMILY

Today's November 13, 2010. We got to bed after midnight because we went to one of our favorite theaters, Desert Star. It was called Welcome back Potter ' a spoof from Harry Potter and an old TV show from the 1970's called Welcome Back Cotter '. It was so funny and we had a great time. But the real story is our wonderful adult kids. They planned on cleaning out the top level of our shed because it was out of control. Mandee, Tarra and later Scott S. Would join the fun. The treasures, nick knacks, clothes and junk were all sorted. Did I forget something, ohhh yes the toys! Kelsy and Joshua had Christmas early. They had so much fun they didn't even care it was frickin cold. So today is going to the dump, going to the D I,labeling and just hanging out day. But something happened to me today, when Brian gave me breakfast it made my stomach queasy so Brian stopped feeding me and brought out the barf bucket and towels. But nothing happened, just pure misery for a few hours. Brian was afraid to feed me after that but gave me water around noon. When evening came he tried feeding the rest of breakfast but it didn't work so out came the towels and you know what. Brian thought it was probably the new protein powder he got from Melaleuca. For the last 3 months we used the older stuff I bought a few years back.

So this morning November 14Th Brian gave me something else and it worked fine but I still slept most of the morning. But everything is good outside because the hard working kids got what needed to be done! That's so cool but my poor house inside is kinda trashed, Brian, Tarra and Daniel are taking it easy on the sabbath, Brian goes in the bedroom, grabs some candy, puts a whopper candy in my mouth,gets the laptop,and plops in the rocking chair. In all fairness though he is on the third load of laundry....the price we had to pay to get the shed and yard done yesterday. And he is going to bathe the dogs today. He is my knight in shining armor!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

Today's November 3rd 2010. Wow time is flying by the ever celestial way. The grandchildren looked so nice in their costumes. Too bad it rained, the trick or treaters got wet. A nice but quiet Halloween.
Today started with me crying; do I want to talk about it? Not sure, why is my heart achy? At times like this I've wanted my dear mother for her love and comfort. Where can I turn for peace? My savior and my family.
Which brings the question, why do I think the worst possible thing will happen to me? What are my biggest fears? Now that I'm writing about it, the stresses release from my body. There is a scripture from Psalms; be still and know that I am God. I shouldn't cry, I should accept change as it happens with a grateful heart. But there's also a scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 119 Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God; okay that says it all. My goodness that's all I want is to have the perfect home, the perfect schedule, to see everything in my house have its own home. But am I being a drama queen? An ungrateful person? What is wrong with me? Am I going to have to get heavy medication so I can stay calm? Was I this emotional when I didn't have ALS?
Yesterday morning everything was going so smoothly except Brian was rushed because he needs to leave at 6am to pick up Scott at the train station. Brian gave me a nice shower and he got everything done except my medicine and hair. No problem, Kelsey is coming over (the aid from Summit Health care). Kelsey comes over her usual sweet self and does my hair ever so wonderful. Then I tell her I needed my medicine. Sorry she says, my boss won't let me feed you any more! What! She explains something about hospital policy and I thought ohhh no you are upsetting my idea of the perfect schedule; getting me taken care of so Tarra can have her rest so she can take care of our next generation, my grand kids ages 1 and 3. Kelsey is so sweet and understanding and sorry and flustered herself. How can I cry over this? I don't know! But I cry for the next two hours.
And when Brian gets home from work the crying continued. Honey, you need to call them! Honey, they are so fired! Honey, can I have that pink medicine that helps emotions? Honey, maybe I need the other stuff the one with the long name! Honey will you wipe my nose? Okay honey will you break out the cold wash clothe? Ohhhh this so sucks! So sorry about this, just put me in a corner, ohhh we need to go to support group tonight, your mom and Danny are coming! Okay the medicine kicked in, we're good to go; my sunglasses where are they? Let's go!
So today I am searching my scriptures that were downloaded right here on this wonderful computer. It's a big contrast to yesterday when all I could do was vent and look up every bad thing said about hospice on the all knowing web (it's spinning my brain). I so don't want to repeat a day like that so I'm taking hold of what the Saviour has for me and never going that way again. Why yes dear, a priesthood blessing would be so welcomed.

MY VENT

To whom it may concern; This is just to vent. Who ever made a stupid rule as to not let a CNA or any one trained to take care of the sick and handicapped? To not be able to feed someone with a 14 inch tube sticking right out of their tummy is beyond me. My three year old grand daughter can almost do it she has seen it enough. This is just like saying my surgeon who put it in for me with ease and expertise I might add,doesn't know what he's doing . You just got to be mistaken, don't you mean a pick-line for narcotics? Because a peg tube is for milk or juice, not narcotics. I have no desire for them now or on my death bed. The ideal situation for my feeding tube is to make it easier to get nutrition since she can't get it through her mouth.
I honestly had a smooth thing going, My daugter was getting the rest she needed, so she could take care of her two kids when she awakes. By the time they were up and fed, I'd have already been fed, so she could actually eat herself! Then she was more prepared to get the dogs and cat happy too! Believe me, they count too! And maybe clean up a little or is that too hard to swallow. If this is what hospice is then I DON'T WANT IT!

MY TALK IN CHURCH

My dear brother's and sisters, I need to start my talk by saying how my Heavenly Father was very mindful of my adversity. As I look upon my youth and all the way to adulthood in my safety, my spirituality, my prayers, my family and now my disease. I have listened to the comforter when life was hard. When I think back I remembered a time when I was 34. I was sitting in the temple quietly waiting and pondering when a voice whispered in my head you're going to die first ". Now being 34 I was very surprised and scared, but it sure got me thinking about the future. The next week when I was at work we were introduced to a 401K plan, and I didn't hesitate to sign up. Scrolling up to 3 years later, my husband Brian and I were just getting home from work and we had a visitor. It was a lady from Myers Mortuary selling funeral insurance. Brian and I didn't put out much resistance, if anything we were extremely curious. She sold us both a policy and left a whole bunch of paper work for a will. We looked at it and shying away from it we filed it somewhere unfinished.
My next experience was seeing my mother taking care of my dad when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer disease. The examples and patience she showed the family were Christ like. It was a long but loving 10 years. When my dad passed away in 2001, Brian was asked to remodel my mother's kitchen. When he was finished mom asked about paying for all the labor. I spoke up and said we wanted burial plots by my father and my mom said that's a good idea. So now you know family planning for the future is so important. And you know that our parents gave us great examples in caring during adversity.
In doctrine and covenants section 121 it tells us that Joseph Smith's suffering is not as Job's. That his friends and family rally around him. I testify dear brother's and sisters that this has happened to me by your love and kind service not to mention words of support. The prayers on my behalf are felt so strongly. The love and support from family members is very humbling. I will close now by saying I know the church is true in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.